My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
