i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
We left the knife in your bed.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
