I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
