Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Randomize
