How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
