The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Randomize
