you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize