that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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