she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Randomize
