Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
My cat gives me a boner
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
