either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
