I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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