I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
