That's intense
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
