There is no way he is gay with that hair.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
