It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
