her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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