so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Green mimosas i think yes
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Randomize
