is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
