I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
