I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
