I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize