I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
