It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
