so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
