Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize
