i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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