thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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