actually, I'm a sock model
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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