I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
