I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
