He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
