Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
