He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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