Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Randomize
