my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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