I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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