i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
