I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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