Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
