I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
