I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
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