i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I smell like Dick and happiness
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
