do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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