Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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