i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
