I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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