a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Randomize
