He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize