Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize