The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
