she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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