I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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