You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
