She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
