dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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