Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
