why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
