Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
