Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
All I want is dick and wine.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
