Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I am in a vortex of obligation.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Couch. On fire.
Randomize