worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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