If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
