I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Randomize