everyone is single if you try hard enough
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
