Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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