why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
