So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
