I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
My hand turned me down
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
