Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Holy sore nipples Batman
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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