man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
