Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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