I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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