I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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