I could make wine with my vomit
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
