I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
