Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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