I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Randomize
