You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
