so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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