As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
