Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
3pm strippers are depressing
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
